That day is today. Actually, that day is yesterday, when we picked the Thursday night game, in-house as usual, my poor wife being a sucker, also as usual, for her home town’s Texans, and me making use of the old rule: if I have a rooting interest, pick opposite.
I’ve gotten away from the good old rooting interest rule lately. This week will be a return, let’s hope, both to betting by the book, and booking a profit.
PHILADELPHIA -8.5 over Houston: See above. It’s not that I’m sold on the (over)reaction Vick’s gotten in Philadelphia and nationally for a couple of good games (OK: really, really good games, but still just a couple). It’s mainly that I have no faith in the Texans, especially not when Andre Johnson is feeding the trolls.
Just another day at work for millionaires Andre Johnson and Cortland Finnegan…
MINNESOTA -5.5 over Buffalo: Speaking of millionaires not being held to the same standards of professionalism the failing of which would get you and me fired… As a gambler, I love this line. As a football fan, I hate it. There’s no reason why the Minnesota Vikings and Dallas Cowboys should be supported or watched for the rest of the season, and Buffalo, on the other hand, continues to do what the Vikes and Boys only condescend to do when conditions are precisely to their liking: play football. Too bad Buffalo’s taking a knife into a gunfight. Thanks for voting to keep the Browns in Cleveland!
MIAMI -4.5 over Cleveland: Speaking of the Browns, I actually think, not only that Miami is not going to cover, but Cleveland is going to win as Jake Delhomme follows up his first full game of the season (a victory last week at the end of which I was hugging a complete stranger in the highest row of Cleveland Browns Stadium when John Kasay’s kick glanced harmlessly off the upright) with a respectable performance in which he continues to get the receivers involved, loosens up the box for Peyton Don’t-compare-me-to-Jim-Brown-and-Leroy-Kelly;-that’s-just-ridiculous…-OK-fine-I-guess-I-do-score-touchdowns-week-in-and-week-out-like-it’s-my-job-after-all Hillis, and kneels out the final seconds after a game-winning Joe Haden interception. But we’re going back to the book this week. So Miami.
Jacksonville +3 over TENNESSEE: Dear Jacksonville Jaguars fans (both of you), herewith my humble apology for implying that your team was playing out of its league when it took on Eli Manning’s Giants. I admit that you are at least as good as the quarterback with the second most turnovers in the NFL (Brett Favre by one). P. s. Who the hell is Rusty Smith?
KANSAS CITY -8.5 over Denver: Denver’s defensive issues continue as Matt Cassel, Dwayne Bowe, and the best average-yardage RB in the NFL play host. Jamaal Charles is still averaging over six yards per carry. SIX. And Kyle Orton is being talked about in the same sentence with Dan Marino, whose single-season passing yardage record could fall this year.
And yet the Chiefs are favored by two scores. Any questions?
[Cue to ESPN, where pundits are even now droning their mantra that you can’t win in this NFL without a pass-wacky offense.]
NY GIANTS -7 over Washington: The Giants have won four in a row against Washington. McNabb has won four in a row against New York… when he played for a good team. Pick: home team! Also, as a temporary Washingtonian, I follow the rules and pick against the home team rooting interest. Even with that obscene seven points. Wait…the boy was born in New York. Am I homer-picking the Giants? (closing my eyes and extending my finger randomly toward the screen)
This man out-dueled Tom Brady in Super Bowl 42. Sort of. Proof that God does indeed exist, and loves us all.
Yes, even you Mr. Belichick. It was for your own good.
Chicago -5 over DETROIT: Ok, Bears; you’ve got my attention. Now what are you gonna do with it? Continue your undefeated streak against your division against a team that is winless in your division? Well…props to Ndamukong Suh for at least making me think twice before picking the favorite.
GREEN BAY -9.5 over San Francisco: The NFC West is 9 - 26 against non-NFC West teams. The St Louis Rams (Sammie!!) lead the division at 5 - 6. San Francisco goes into December at 4 - 7 and one game out of first place. I’m not going to say the division should be stripped of it’s automatic playoff bid, but… Ok, maybe just this once.
CINCINNATI +6.5 over New Orleans: Cincy’s due. And I need an upset. And they’re at home. With a free touchdown. Wait, it’s not a whole touchdown?! Oh, well. The Rams’ll bail me out with an upset special.
Atlanta -3 over TAMPA BAY: It’s all going according to plan for the Falcons. Beat Tampa Bay this week and you get the Panthers and then the Seahawks, and then home vs. the Saints, home vs. the Panthers to finish the season with the best record in the NFC. You know what that means? Matt Ryan (19 - 1 at the Georgia Dome) and his Falcons march through the playoffs and lose in Dallas this February to the Pittsburgh Steelers. I feel for sorry for you already, Georgia.
Oakland +13 over SAN DIEGO: Holy bajillions of points, Batman! Yeah, I know, Chargers in December blah blah blah. (noticing that I’ve picked 8 favorites already…)
Yeah, ok. You tell this guy his team can’t come within 13 points of the hated Chargers.
SEATTLE -5.5 over Carolina: Even when the Browns gave them 10 points—I’m not talking about the spread, I mean literally: Jake Delhomme threw two INTs on consecutive offensive plays to open the second half, one a pick six and the other turned into a field goal after the Panthers went three-and-out on the ensuing possession—the Panthers blundered into an opportunity to win the game on a 42-yard field goal on the last play (either the sideline pass to Williams on the penultimate play was incomplete and the clock was stopped with time left, or the pass was complete—as ruled, correctly, after review—with the receiver down in bounds causing the five remaining seconds to run out on the timeout-less Panthers), and still lost the game. And they travel 3,000 miles this week.
Dallas +5.5 over INDIANAPOLIS: Ok, the Colts are done. Thanks for letting us know, guys! It was a good decade!
St Louis -3.5 over ARIZONA: Twenty bucks says Derek Anderson comes out determined to show us all that he’s ten times better than what he showed last Monday night, and in the press conference that followed. Fifty bucks says Sam Bradford actually is.
Pittsburgh +3 over BALTIMORE: If you’re like me, you’re wondering, when is the last time Pittsburgh was an underdog? Halloween, by a point, at New Orleans. When before that? Week 2 at Tennessee, sans Ben Roethlisberger. You’re giving me the (2010–2011 NFL Champion) Steelers with points? (shrugging) Ok.
NY Jets +3.5 over New England: The Jets are good enough to win this game, and seem destined for the AFC’s number one seed. Unfortunately for them, that plays right into Pittsburgh’s strengths come playoff time. Can the Jets be serious this week? If so, they win. Bill Belichick’s Patriots have been playing well beyond their talent level anyway. When a white running back not named Peyton Hillis leads your team in rushing average, you have issues.
Danny Woodhead: about as tall as Matt Light…after jumping as high as he can.
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